Every season brings with it it’s own set of questions. As we grow, so do the questions. They quickly go from from “What do you want to be when you grow up?” to “What course are you going to take?”, “How do I pay all these bills?” and “How can I support my family?”. While these questions are certainly not easy or pleasant to answer, one of the most dreaded (and avoided) question that single men and women face is, “WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?”
We live in a society where brows are raised when people find those who remain single in their late twenties as if it’s a crime not to settle-down when you reach 27 and not have kids before you reach 30. What personally hurts is when they meddle with a woman’s capacity to bear a child.
However, it’s not society that pressures us. Most of the time we let these questions and pressure get to us. You let weddings make you feel sorry for yourself. You wallow in self-pity when you’re the only single person left in your group of friends. You feel bad because you might not have a child. If not guided, people unconsciously search for someone because our age tells us we’re supposed to get married by a certain age. Oftentimes, they mistake the feeling of urgency as love when they find a partner.
So how are we supposed to deal with this?
Count by seasons not by numbers.
There came a time when I let the pressure from family and friends affect me. I was starting to think about how lonely my future would be until I learned how God works and beauty of God’s plan in my life.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 11
God works in seasons and His timing is perfect. Life is not about what you achieve when you reach a certain age. It’s about how you’ve grown in every season God puts you through. Rather than worry about being single why don’t you take time to figure out what your season is about? Seek what God is working on in your life. Seek God’s purpose.
Why is finding your purpose important? Because like the North Star, God’s purpose shines the brightest when you are uncertain where your life is heading. Until you realize the purpose of your season, you will remain worried, restless, and aimless.
Being single does not mean you’re lonely.
Our security and joy must not be anchored on who or what’s around us but on who’s above us. People come and go but God’s love is eternal. When you feel no one loves you, remember Jeremiah 31:3.
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Everlasting. No end. How can you feel lonely when we have a God that loves us eternally? Remember, feeling sad and alone about being single is natural but remaining in that negative state with those negative thoughts is a deliberate choice.
I once planned on being married by the age of 27 and having kids before 30. That was MY plan and I stopped fixating on fulfilling it when I learned that His plans are better than mine. When I began to fall in-love with God and when I started to have a deeper understanding of the vastness of His love the more I realized that I need Him more than anything else.
Yes, admittedly, the idea of getting married gives me the butterflies, but what gives me a greater sense of joy and completeness in this season is Christ in me.